brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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