Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
