After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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