i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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