i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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