Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
