Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
