You work out of a Hotel?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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