I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
