threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
