Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
