There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
