i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
