She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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