Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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