Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
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