We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
