How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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