Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
