You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
