I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
