you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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