So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
