Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
