We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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