the condom got lost in my hair
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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