i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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