i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
