PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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