I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
