it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
