By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
