I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
