Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this is an emotional support booty call
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
