I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
