I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
