You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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