I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
