PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
