I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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