bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
