I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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