Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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