please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
