JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
