glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
