i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
