Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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