Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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