I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
