Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
