Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
