Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
