There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
