I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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