Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
