Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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