we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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